So, I was walking to a class yesterday and I got to thinking about this skit I saw on Halloween night. It was a bit corny and about zombies. A zombie hunter asked for God's help after a zombie bit him, and God helped him and started talking to him. God told the hunter to not kill zombies, but to appeal to the humanity within them and help them find their way back to the surface.
Yeah, it was a very literal story about helping people find their way to Him, but it was funny with great meaning. I have struggle believing sometimes, and at that moment I was just trying to enjoy the story. Then after the skit, our "master of ceremonies" for the small christian group Halloween fiesta said something pretty fascinating. He said, "aren't we all zombies sometimes?"
Going on through life not thinking about anything other than our next test or a killer party, not thinking really about anything in the spiritual nature. It got to me, my smile was swept away and something stirred within me. When I walk, I often think too hard about the things that disturb me about myself, how I do not take time to think about spirituality or about anything other than my own problems.
I think about others, but mostly about myself. I feel like we all get that way sometimes.
So, walking along on Friday, I thought of the zombie skit. Then I thought, what if God was walking right here, right now, next to me on this cracked and deformed sidewalk? Walking passed these empty houses under trees that push their way through the sidewalks' edges. Under this gloomy sky and through the biting wind of autumn.
I saw a glimmer of my imagination pulling someone to the forefront. A boy about my age was walking next to me, shaggy hair and a light jacket and jeans. Giving me a sidelong look, a smirk I think. Then I thought, no. Then a cliche version of Jesus, with flowing robes and full beard was next to me. Not that either. An older man, early 60s, smiling at me. Wearing plaid and talking to me like I was his granddaughter. He reminded me so much of my grandpa.
I decided He could look like whatever I want, because its the fact that He could be there. Yeah, a male. But in reality, I think God is of no gender, but that's just my opinion. But sometimes I don't even know if I believe He is there.
My brain thought of an image walking beside me before I consciously made the decision to imagine a person, or maybe it happened so fast that I cannot distinguish what happened first. Either way, I'm surprised by the people I imagined God to be.
Maybe God isn't of one form. Could he be anyone, or could anyone be Him? Could He be an animal, that bird that flies by or that cat watching me so intently? Perhaps He is all, perhaps not.
How am I to know?
And more, what is anyone to know?
Does it really matter? I think it does. Perhaps there is a part of Him within my soul reaching out. Or He may be an external factor; the wind that whispers through the trees telling me to be quiet and listen or the sun peeking at me every so often through the bitter blanket of clouds.
Are humans holy or is that actually humanity? Are holy and humanity synonymous?
Would I understand spirituality better if I figured some of this out?
There's no harm in looking I guess.